Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
