I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
