Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
