i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
