soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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