They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
