Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
