you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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