You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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