Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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