we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
