A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
