how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
