i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
