I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
