If i come over, it means nothing
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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