who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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