she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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