remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
