Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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