Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
