there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BRING THE BAGELS
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
