Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
