I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
