what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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