It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
