eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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