did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Text me some of your sweat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
