so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
