My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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