My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
