your parents love me but you hate me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
