It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
