may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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