who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
