There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
