I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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