I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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