I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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