he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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