So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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