Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
