why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
