Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're a waste of cheezeits
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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