You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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