She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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