You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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