after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were trust falling into bushes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
