ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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