I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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