You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
