I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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