Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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