You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
