just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
