Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
