it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
