some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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