sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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