M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
