I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
